Settling In

The past few weeks, for the most part, have been more of the same. I’m continuing to get to know my students, my colleagues, and the town. Overall, I’m enjoying myself. As I’ve mentioned before, Cao Bang really seems to be a small and tight-knit community. Everyone I meet does their best to make me feel welcome and to get to know me. As a result, I’ve been invited into the homes of students for dinner, been on many bike rides with students, shared meals with colleagues and community members, and played lots of basketball. I’ve loved getting to meet new people and I continue to be impressed by the friendliness of most people here. A few highlights include: going to breakfast and coffee this past weekend with a local doctor who interrupted me while I was running to say that he had studied in Hawaii and that he wanted to get to know me, joining one of my classes for a lunch that they cooked themselves, and befriending the owner of the local pizza shop (for Vietnam, it’s pretty good).

The flip side to all of these newfound friends is that most of the relationships feel superficial. It’s not that they don’t mean well, of course they do, but there are a number of factors that I feel have been really inhibiting my ability to develop deep relationships.  With my colleagues, the language barrier prevents me from carrying a conversation (let alone developing a relationship) with all but two of my fellow teachers (and I feel closer with those two than the others, though teachers are very busy between school and their families).  With my students, the age difference is difficult, but they are also incredibly busy with school (7am-4:30pm and sometimes night classes). However, hanging out with students in the little time that they do have has been great and I’m enjoying getting to know some of them better.

The time commitment of the students has also made it hard to organize any activities outside of school. Part of my job description is to facilitate extra-curricular opportunities for the students like an English Club or American Movie Night, etc. The students’ lack of free time makes this difficult and potentially impossible.  The school is supposed to be helping me to organize an English Club that will begin soon, but I’m not holding my breath—a lesson that I’ve learned repeatedly here. In the meantime, I’ve given a few students The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snickett, a book that I loved when I was younger, and have been discussing it with them as they make their way through it.

Teaching continues to be fun and interesting, but the school decided to change my schedule so that I’m teaching 18 different classes (every class in the school) for 45 minutes once per week.  This was in contrast to my first few weeks when I taught 18 lessons to 15 different groups of students (I taught the English majors twice per week).  Now, not only am I teaching about 600 students, but I’m only spending 45 minutes with them per week. I really don’t feel like this schedule is a good use of my time, or of the students’ time, and I’ve voiced my concerns but to no avail so far (I have hope that it will change back next week).  Once again, though, I’m not holding my breath, mostly because I can’t express my concerns to the “decision-makers” because they don’t speak English well enough. That being said, I’m starting to sense that some of my classes are making some progress and it’s always fun when students surprise me with ability that I didn’t think they had.

Despite plenty of frustrations, I’m really looking forward to the next few months. I’ve established a level of comfort here and have settled into a nice routine. I’m also hoping to travel to some of the famous places around Cao Bang as I haven’t gotten outside of the town since I’ve been here. In addition, I’m excited about trying to work out the kinks in my teaching responsibilities. Mostly, though, I’m looking forward to developing the relationships that I have made (however superficial they may feel now).

Speaking of relationships, ever since I found out that I would be coming to Vietnam, people told me that this would be a “life-changing” experience. I never knew exactly what those people were talking about, and I guess they didn’t necessarily have anything specific in mind either, but what I did know was that they would prove to be correct. As I’ve gone through this experience so far (and I guess it also helps to have plenty of time with only my thoughts), if I’ve noticed anything that has been profoundly “life-changing” it has been the way in which I approach relationships here. Mostly, I think that as an outsider, I have reason to (and do) feel vulnerable sometimes, especially when I meet new people. But this vulnerability shines a light on those who are just genuinely nice people.

For example, on one of my first days here, a man basically assaulted me in the street after he had stopped me to talk and shake my hand (while true, it sounds worse than it was, but it makes the story better—the rest, I promise, won’t be embellished).  As I was running away from the guy with whom I had the encounter (who was following me), and after ducking into a store and successfully losing him, I was walking past another store and looking over my shoulder to make sure that I had gotten away when I heard someone say “Hello.” I turned around and a different man was extending his hand to shake mine. I’ve never been so hesitant to say hello or shake someone’s hand in my life. I was terrified, my adrenaline was pumping, and I came very close to just ignoring him and walking away. I didn’t and as it turned out the man just wanted to say hi. As we were standing in the street talking, he eventually invited me to eat dinner with him some time. It was a contrast that I’ll never forget.

To borrow a sports saying, my head is “on a swivel” here like never before and I’ve found myself skeptical of some people whom I've met. What I’ve realized, though, is that the smallest and most seemingly insignificant gestures can transform someone in my mind from potential assailant to new friend. So, I’m not quite sure how that’s “life-changing,” but if nothing else, it’s clearer to me that it doesn’t take much to be nice and when you are you’ll often have no idea that you were.